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When was the last time your felt really heard by another person? What did they do to create this experience? Chances are that they were mainly just present with you.
Active listening is a skill that few of us practice with any regularity. To actively listen is to remove your own agenda from the table and to try to really understand where the other person is at.
So how do you go about actively listening? Here are some ideas:
- Stay engaged with the other person. Notice any dialogue going on in your head while you’re listening and let it go. Notice your body language. Notice your eye contact with them;
- Encourage the other person to fully explain what they are communicating by asking open-ended questions to allow you to fully understand. This does NOT mean that you necessarily need to agree with what they are saying;
- Hold judgement – actively listening is about their perspective, not yours;
- Make the person feel safe in your company;
- Notice what they are NOT saying. Be curious about that, point it out and see how they respond;
- Notice the person’s body language and energy. Is it resonant with their words?
- Allow for silence. Many people are generally uncomfortable in being with silence, and yet… and yet… silence can inform us if we hold the space for the other person and stay present for them.
Actively listening is a skill that most of us need to learn – it is not something that just comes naturally for most people. Many of us are only listening to the person’s words (if that 
!), or we may be busy planning our own next killer comment!
How often has someone been telling you a story and rather than taking their story in, you’re chomping at the bit to tell them your own story that’ll top theirs!
As leaders in community, why does active listening matter though? Effective leaders need to connect people and ideas to build solutions. If we don’t make the effort to actively listen, how can we ever hope to accomplish our goals?
By actively listening, many benefits can arise:
- We may help the other person to find their own solution;
- We model effective leadership for our community. Because of the other person having a positive experience with you, they may apply active listening with others within the community to build a culture that actively listens to each other;
- We may ourselves discover a new perspective that we had not previously considered;
- We may find common ground with the other person that we were not aware of;
- We build stronger relationships and social capital within the community. When the other person feels truly heard, they will be more willing to be open to work with us towards our common goals;
- We may uncover synergies and new creative ideas that may otherwise have remained hidden.
While you’re still present here, think of a conversation that you intend to have in the next 24 hours with someone. Decide right now what three things you will do differently to practice active listening with them. Be intentional about doing it differently than you typically would, and notice how the conversation is different than you might otherwise expect.
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